How Much Are You Worth?

Many burlesque performers, particularly when they first start up, perform for free, sometimes out of sheer joy of showcasing their act to a new audience, sometimes because they don’t quite know how to create paid for performance opportunities or feel uncomfortable asking for money. I remember the first time I asked for £100 per act where my starting out price used to be £50. It took courage, some experience and also a realisation of how much I’ve already invested into my hobby, in terms of made to measure costumes and obviously lots of time spent creating and rehearsing my acts, to ask for higher compensation. Once I got to about £150 (for performing two acts in a single show or the same act twice during two shows on one night) asking for more got trickier. Only performers with very well established international careers could command high fees, at least with promoters I was working with at the time, and I knew that. I needed to get creative in terms of expanding my overall value add and the types of services I could provide. That’s when I offered to a promoter of a well known all night dress up extravaganza to curate a small burlesque show which she wanted to host twice in one night as part of many attractions her large scale event offered. Now I not only performed but also acted as a compere of the mini show, recruited and managed other artists being part of it. This opened up the doors to more responsibility, a wider range of services I could provide and higher earnings.

A lot of my friends are startup founders and business people. Quite a few of my friends are healers, and some are strippers. I wanted to talk about two healer friends to demonstrate something that feels true and important to me, in the context of the marriage of feminine and masculine leadership in business. Healing is essentially an art of the feminine aspect or principle. It requires being deeply in tune with your client or patient, and usually with the wholeness of their being other than an aching shoulder, the sadness within them, or a cold that wouldn’t go away. Many healers, like friend A, develop this capacity to a very high level but at a cost of the thriving of the masculine principle within them, regardless of their gender. Friend A knows her price in one of the markets she could be shooting for and sticks to the lower end of it. On the surface it sort of makes sense: she remains competitive and her regular clients (like me) who recognise her value which is quite a bit higher than what she charges, remain loyal because of this. It doesn’t make sense to go elsewhere because she’s fantastic and I’m honestly grateful and happy the price is low. It keeps the fear-based part of my ego (“who are you to spend so much money on yourself?”) in its comfort zone. 

Then, there’s friend B. Friend B had a strong vision during a retreat where we met she would become a dakini or a tantric massage healer (where her services don’t involve direct sexual interaction with clients). She decided she would take a top-of-the-range training she couldn’t, at the time, afford, with teachers she truly admires. It so happened (coincidence or serendipity?) that one of those teachers was also in the very same retreat with us. Friend B approached that teacher being transparent about her financial concerns. The teacher, to her amazement, offered to cover the course fees under friend B’s promise she was going to do an apprenticeship with them after the course and work giving massages to real clients to pay the costs back. I was taken aback when she told me she was able to do that after mere two weeks (!) of giving tantric massages priced at $500–650 per 2-3 hour slot. 

There remained the cost of flights from Europe to the US where the training took place, accommodation and food during the course. This amounted to several thousands of pounds friend B had never had in her bank account all at once. Committed to her vision, she launched a crowd-funding campaign, explaining in a very inspiring way how she found her calling, precisely how she was going to follow it, how much it would cost, and exactly what vision she had of bringing in the money from different sources (as opposed to “trusting the Universe” it would somehow turn up). I felt very comfortable to invest in this inspiring and well put together campaign in exchange for getting a session when she was back in London after her training and apprenticeship, even though I barely knew her at the time. (By the way, trusting the Universe doesn’t have to be a bad approach I feel, as long as you also realise that part of that Universe is also your very mind and your ability to be smart and decisive and committed. Friend B did, and so all the guidance she needed arrived.)

On her return to London, friend B – a traveller, who had no accommodation here – identified several people who believed in her and happily offered for their home to be temporarily turned into a temple/sacred space where she could see donation-based clients and those, like me, who had supported her through the crowd funding campaign. She did set a suggested donation price per session (up to 3h) to £75 which is, by the way, higher than what friend A charges per hour. When I came for my session she greeted me in a space which, even though someone’s flat, was perfectly set up. First, we had a conversation about where we were both at in our lives and she mentioned she was “shooting for mastery”, in other words aiming to be world class at what she does, with the right amount of practice and in the right time. I absolutely and unquestionably trust that’s where she is going, just six months after fully committing to her calling, simply because of her presence and energy. Our session had stunning results for me in terms of insights and inspiration. This doesn’t mean she is a world-class healer right now and I had some improvement feedback for her (which she clearly asked for). But I sense she is holding point of that intention with everything that she does. At the end of the session I asked for her PayPal details so I could donate extra, regardless of the fact I had already paid for the session when I contributed to the crowd funding campaign. I believe in her and I also feel that by supporting her intention of shooting for mastery, I support my own. 

Interestingly, something similar often happens, energetically, in my start-up investments. I see somebody with a vision who is willing to do their utmost to make it happen. This doesn’t mean waiting for stars to align and for inspiration to strike. This means showing up, every day, to work with the actual reality of the world right here and right now. When I meet people like this, to a degree it doesn’t matter to me whether they’ll succeed, in this current venture, maybe they’ll discover the vision wasn’t right, the timing wasn’t right, the market wasn’t right or ready, it doesn’t matter. But I meet this level of commitment with my own level of commitment to the unravelling of human potential that can heal the planet and solve all manners of civilisational crisis. In this case, this belief manifests in putting my money, as an early-stage angel investor, where my mouth is. I give you my commitment and passion, for your commitment and passion.

And, because my inner masculine has the space to show up and support the investment decision, I will definitely make a judgement on whether the business plan is sustainable and makes sense on the level of logic. Has the founder done the work to understand, as much as possible, what it takes to succeed in their market with the competitors that you have? Unsurprisingly, knowing that most start-ups fail, I still strive to make money on exits of some of my investments. So that I can invest even more as my wealth grows (which is the plan) in line with my belief around the consequences of unravelling of human potential, as expressed above. To sum up: ideally, I invest when I feel so aligned with the founder’s intention and energy that whether I make or lose my money matters less. In other words, I ask myself if a given investment would still feel good looking back at it, once the venture has failed. If the answer is “hell yes”, I’m in. 

Circling back to friend A, I wish (from the perspective of her business development), she started charging me more, sooner. Having a different strategy than friend B, these days she has a small team of masseurs working with clients across London while she is focused more on administration and less on delivery. It’s just that in order for this model to be financially viable, she needs to charge more than previously so there’s room for her to take commission on massages delivered by her associates. Understandably, I’m reluctant to pay more given someone else (even though trained by her) delivers the service. I do, as I’m keen to support her business, but would have felt more comfortable if a different pricing structure was in place from the start.